What the last six months have taught me (since leaving my job)

Six months. That’s how long it’s been since I said goodbye to the cubicle life and my former role of nearly nine years.

I’ve spent a lot of time these last several months floored by what my life looks like now that it’s not led and directed by a role that’s 24/7. And I’ll be completely honest here: it’s better than I thought it would ever be.

You see, I was afraid for a long time that without the job I had I wouldn’t know who I was or what I had to offer the world. I was afraid of an identity crisis that I didn’t want to face head on.

But God.

God started shutting doors pretty quickly that led to my feeling more and more suffocated (and desperate, really). I applied to and interviewed for various jobs, none panned out. I was hopeful to start a family, and that also didn’t pan out. I wanted to have an excuse to leave, a reason to say goodbye without having to face the reality of the situation: it was my time to go whether or not I was ready.

So, here we are, still without a cubicle or the start of a young family. How am I doing and what have I learned, you ask?

1. I am joy-filled.

There is so much joy to be had when you choose to take a leap of faith and trust God with the future. I have said it over and over again to the people around me: I have less money in my pocket, but I have more joy than I’ve had in a long time. Do you know how much that means to me? It’s everything. Life is short, too short, and there is so much more to it than the work we do. Yes, work is important. But it is not the end all, be all.

2. God speaks loudly, but not in the way we think He will.

In the midst of my desperation last year, I mentioned to one of my girlfriends that I wanted God to grab me by the shoulders and literally say, “Paula, this is it. It’s time to step back from your role.” She responded back bluntly with a reminder everyone needs to hear: who are we to say God isn’t already speaking through the things we’re going through? You see, the babies weren’t coming and the job interviews weren’t leading to anything, but my health was suffering in more ways than one. In the thick of it, God was very loudly speaking, urging me to give my body the time to rest and heal, but I was blinded by what I thought the answers to my leaving were supposed to be. Who leaves their jobs without something else in place? Only crazy people, right?! Little did I know that God just needed me to take a step back (with nothing on the other side) for me to see all that He had in store.

3. It is okay, in fact it should be expected, for us to have work/life boundaries.

That sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, for a long time in my life, it wasn’t. Life was directed by work at all hours. Yes, it was important work, but I let it unapologetically take the lead over and over again, placing my life, marriage, and family on hold for it more times than I care to admit. And now? My work is my work and my life is my life. What does this mean? It means I have work hours I stick to, my weekends are no longer led by my 9-5, and my cellphone no longer goes with me everywhere. If I want to go for a walk, I can go for a walk without fear of missing a text, an e-mail, or a call. Sounds silly, right? It was my reality for nearly nine years (so you can imagine what my anxiety levels were like).

A life without boundaries isn’t something to be proud of, it’s something we should discourage. Sure, you’ll get more brownie points with your boss, but when your health or family life or [insert your desperately needed boundary here] is failing and you’re berated for having one bad day, which one really matters more? I can answer that one for you, and it’s not work.

4. I have so much to offer the world (and you do too)!

I remember the first job I applied to last year was with a PR agency. In their e-mail asking me to interview they said, “After reviewing your resume, I think you would be a great fit for this role.” I remember thinking, “wait—others see my worth in the experience I have?”

If I could go back, I’d scream loudly, lovingly, and very clearly to myself: YOU ARE WORTHY. THIS JOB DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER. (All caps accomplishes that enough, right?)

Six months later I’m not at all where I thought I would be. I’m now a business owner (what!!!!!) working with various clients in both a social media management and writing capacity. Each one of these clients? They’re led by fierce women who are making a difference in their industries. They’re women who support my business, my ideas and input, and offer me knowledge and guidance in business, life, and everything in-between. I didn’t have this in my former role. I sought it out constantly but it never quite happened. And that’s okay. God used that season to mold me and prepare me for this chapter of life that I’m in. I have had so much more to offer the world than I ever thought I would and I refuse to ever sell myself short out of fear again .

So, to recap.

I am joy-filled. God speaks loud and clear (in ways I never thought He would), boundaries are good, and I am worthy.

I have more to grow, more to learn, and more figure out. But I am not alone in this, and because of that, I know that I am capable no matter what this chapter or future ones bring my way.

Happy six months to us!